So this is me ... I'm new to all this as everyone reading it will propably discover very quickly. What I am hoping is that this will be a place where I can put onto paper (ok screen) the things that go through my head. We'll just have to see how successful this will be!
Hmmmm ... What to muse about on my first ever post???
How about something that has been going around my head for a looooong time now?
Maybe its because I'm happy that this has been in my thoughts so much but somehow I feel that I am spiralling faster and faster towards the END, the final chapter, the bit where they put you into the big box and lower you in the ground or for short: Death. I'm only 30 years old but I feel that these past years have flown by so quickly that the inevitable is not long off now. And of cause it scares me shittless but that's beside the point tonight.
How is it that time all over sudden seems to fly? I mean it feels like my 21st Birthday was only yesterday and now I'm 30? I suppose if you see it from Natures perspective: I have grown up strong, I have procreated and now i really am starting to get worthless. Theoretically I only have to last until my two young ones have flown the nest, after that I'm just a worthless consumer of resources. The next generation is created, the generation now has no value anymore. Funny how this is similar in human society but again that is beside the point tonight!!
Looking on it from a personal perspective the more and more I think about it it seem so unfair!! In my head I feel no different then I did 9 years ago but I know for a fact that in the forseeable future I will be starting to visit the doctor more often in a year than I ever have done so far in my life! My body is giving up around me. My skin, my teeth, my eyes but in my head I don't change! I don't feel older, obviously I look older but I don't feel it. I find this a very strange thing.
What I also find most unfair is that you don't get to do things again. You only ever get married once (well for the first time anyhow), you only ever bring your firstborn home once, you only ever buy the first school uniform once. What I am really complaining about I guess is how liniar life really is!! Beginning to End! No jumping about in the story, no going back! It makes me sad to think that everyday that we move forward is another day gone, only to be relived in our memory! Everyday is a new day but everyday is also one step closer to the grave, one step closer to my Babies flying the nest! I guess that is really the croux of the matter here! The thought, the idea of having to leave my babies at some point. I know they will grow up and have their own lifes etc. etc. and they will probably be ok once i am gone but... what about me? (No, I don't want to start a big debate of what comes after death!! Nobody really knows so no point in going 10 rounds over it!) I am so happy with my two babies and I need them as much as they need me, emotionally that is. Yes I admit it, they are so much part of my happiness, being a mummy is so much part of my happiness that now, after them being here, I really could not fathom happiness without them!! So every morning I wake up and I relish in the feeling that its a new day, a new dawn, a new adventure in front of us but I'm sad at the same time because I'm a day older, my babies are a day older and we are one step closer to the Finishing line.
But back to the original question. Why does time seem to fly when you get older? I suppose its very simple really: when we are young we learn something new every day, our brains are constantly engaged, we 'live' every moment. The older we get the more routine sets in. We do things automatically we don't experience them in the same way we did as children our brains 'turn off' for some activities and it seems that time flies. Is this academically proven? No of cause not but personally I think its a good and reasonable explanation.
Well did all this have a point now? Was it all well thought through and read 10x over and edited? No it certainly wasn't because in the end its just the musings of a mummy!
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