What exactly does it mean to be a grown up?
When I was young I always thought to be a grownup meant I could do whatever I wanted but being a grownup I have realized that its the exact opposite. So if not that what does it mean then? Well I don't 'feel' grown up! I still like the same things I did when I was 14 I just don't have the time anymore to pursue them as vigorously as I could then. So is this what it means to be grown up? To shoulder your responsibilities and put anything you really want to do on the Back burner? If so that really sucks!!! Well i guess this is part of life though, when you where little you were looked after, learning the skills of survival from your parents, when your grown up you will have to fight for survival yourself!
But is that all that its about? I hope not. Surely adulthood should be about fulfilling your dreams, shouldn't it? But our dreams change while we are growing up don't they? Why is that? Is it because we keep learning new things that we incorporate into our dream? Surely yes! And maybe as well because we adjust our dreams to expectations others have for us. Yes this is true as well. If a child is told in school he/she will never be a high achiever surely her dreams scale down over time as well as he/she believes what told! And maybe as well because we loose the magic and imagination of childhood, get disillusioned with the world and find out that actually having a house on the moon is really something that will not happen!!!
But isn't that really sad? That for a modern society with all its comforts and securities we can't keep the magic alive? That still after all this time after bragging about how civilised we are we really are no differend from a mouse fighting for survival in the forest? Because thats what it really comes down to isn't it? For us in the west here its not really actual survival (not the starving type anyway) but survival in the concreat jungles of our society. How sad is that?
Me for one I refuse to let go of the magic!!! Yes I'm propably what you would call childish and quirky and yes I'll never be a high flyer. But you know what? I rather have imagination and see into the world of my children than sit in a big house, with a big car and a boat and have no connection to their world anymore because I am so engrossed in how to make more money!
So I guess in the end I really can't answer the question of what it means to be grownup to any ones satisfaction because I don't think I have ever really grown up. But maybe, just maybe I am not alone in all this. Maybe this is how most people feel? Maybe thats whats growing up is all about? To find a way to keep your childhood dreams, imagination and magic alive in the concreat jungles of the modern world. In a way I am hoping so!!
So did this all make sense? Was it well thought through? No I guess not because in the end this is just musings of a mummy ...
Friday 20 January 2012
Thursday 19 January 2012
My first post well ...
So this is me ... I'm new to all this as everyone reading it will propably discover very quickly. What I am hoping is that this will be a place where I can put onto paper (ok screen) the things that go through my head. We'll just have to see how successful this will be!
Hmmmm ... What to muse about on my first ever post???
How about something that has been going around my head for a looooong time now?
Maybe its because I'm happy that this has been in my thoughts so much but somehow I feel that I am spiralling faster and faster towards the END, the final chapter, the bit where they put you into the big box and lower you in the ground or for short: Death. I'm only 30 years old but I feel that these past years have flown by so quickly that the inevitable is not long off now. And of cause it scares me shittless but that's beside the point tonight.
How is it that time all over sudden seems to fly? I mean it feels like my 21st Birthday was only yesterday and now I'm 30? I suppose if you see it from Natures perspective: I have grown up strong, I have procreated and now i really am starting to get worthless. Theoretically I only have to last until my two young ones have flown the nest, after that I'm just a worthless consumer of resources. The next generation is created, the generation now has no value anymore. Funny how this is similar in human society but again that is beside the point tonight!!
Looking on it from a personal perspective the more and more I think about it it seem so unfair!! In my head I feel no different then I did 9 years ago but I know for a fact that in the forseeable future I will be starting to visit the doctor more often in a year than I ever have done so far in my life! My body is giving up around me. My skin, my teeth, my eyes but in my head I don't change! I don't feel older, obviously I look older but I don't feel it. I find this a very strange thing.
What I also find most unfair is that you don't get to do things again. You only ever get married once (well for the first time anyhow), you only ever bring your firstborn home once, you only ever buy the first school uniform once. What I am really complaining about I guess is how liniar life really is!! Beginning to End! No jumping about in the story, no going back! It makes me sad to think that everyday that we move forward is another day gone, only to be relived in our memory! Everyday is a new day but everyday is also one step closer to the grave, one step closer to my Babies flying the nest! I guess that is really the croux of the matter here! The thought, the idea of having to leave my babies at some point. I know they will grow up and have their own lifes etc. etc. and they will probably be ok once i am gone but... what about me? (No, I don't want to start a big debate of what comes after death!! Nobody really knows so no point in going 10 rounds over it!) I am so happy with my two babies and I need them as much as they need me, emotionally that is. Yes I admit it, they are so much part of my happiness, being a mummy is so much part of my happiness that now, after them being here, I really could not fathom happiness without them!! So every morning I wake up and I relish in the feeling that its a new day, a new dawn, a new adventure in front of us but I'm sad at the same time because I'm a day older, my babies are a day older and we are one step closer to the Finishing line.
But back to the original question. Why does time seem to fly when you get older? I suppose its very simple really: when we are young we learn something new every day, our brains are constantly engaged, we 'live' every moment. The older we get the more routine sets in. We do things automatically we don't experience them in the same way we did as children our brains 'turn off' for some activities and it seems that time flies. Is this academically proven? No of cause not but personally I think its a good and reasonable explanation.
Well did all this have a point now? Was it all well thought through and read 10x over and edited? No it certainly wasn't because in the end its just the musings of a mummy!
Hmmmm ... What to muse about on my first ever post???
How about something that has been going around my head for a looooong time now?
Maybe its because I'm happy that this has been in my thoughts so much but somehow I feel that I am spiralling faster and faster towards the END, the final chapter, the bit where they put you into the big box and lower you in the ground or for short: Death. I'm only 30 years old but I feel that these past years have flown by so quickly that the inevitable is not long off now. And of cause it scares me shittless but that's beside the point tonight.
How is it that time all over sudden seems to fly? I mean it feels like my 21st Birthday was only yesterday and now I'm 30? I suppose if you see it from Natures perspective: I have grown up strong, I have procreated and now i really am starting to get worthless. Theoretically I only have to last until my two young ones have flown the nest, after that I'm just a worthless consumer of resources. The next generation is created, the generation now has no value anymore. Funny how this is similar in human society but again that is beside the point tonight!!
Looking on it from a personal perspective the more and more I think about it it seem so unfair!! In my head I feel no different then I did 9 years ago but I know for a fact that in the forseeable future I will be starting to visit the doctor more often in a year than I ever have done so far in my life! My body is giving up around me. My skin, my teeth, my eyes but in my head I don't change! I don't feel older, obviously I look older but I don't feel it. I find this a very strange thing.
What I also find most unfair is that you don't get to do things again. You only ever get married once (well for the first time anyhow), you only ever bring your firstborn home once, you only ever buy the first school uniform once. What I am really complaining about I guess is how liniar life really is!! Beginning to End! No jumping about in the story, no going back! It makes me sad to think that everyday that we move forward is another day gone, only to be relived in our memory! Everyday is a new day but everyday is also one step closer to the grave, one step closer to my Babies flying the nest! I guess that is really the croux of the matter here! The thought, the idea of having to leave my babies at some point. I know they will grow up and have their own lifes etc. etc. and they will probably be ok once i am gone but... what about me? (No, I don't want to start a big debate of what comes after death!! Nobody really knows so no point in going 10 rounds over it!) I am so happy with my two babies and I need them as much as they need me, emotionally that is. Yes I admit it, they are so much part of my happiness, being a mummy is so much part of my happiness that now, after them being here, I really could not fathom happiness without them!! So every morning I wake up and I relish in the feeling that its a new day, a new dawn, a new adventure in front of us but I'm sad at the same time because I'm a day older, my babies are a day older and we are one step closer to the Finishing line.
But back to the original question. Why does time seem to fly when you get older? I suppose its very simple really: when we are young we learn something new every day, our brains are constantly engaged, we 'live' every moment. The older we get the more routine sets in. We do things automatically we don't experience them in the same way we did as children our brains 'turn off' for some activities and it seems that time flies. Is this academically proven? No of cause not but personally I think its a good and reasonable explanation.
Well did all this have a point now? Was it all well thought through and read 10x over and edited? No it certainly wasn't because in the end its just the musings of a mummy!
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